LOOKING AT CALVARY THROUGH THE EYES OF A PARENT

I am so excited to welcome my first guest of hopefully many, on the blog today.  I don't know where to begin.  My heart swells at just the mention of this person.  I wanted so badly to be able to describe how amazing she is and how much she means to me, but no simple words seem to suffice.  She is my mentor, confidant, spiritual encourager, my Godmother, and most especially my Grandmother!  She is the most amazing women I know.  I look up to her and admire her more than I can explain.  She has been gifted with a great love and marriage of over 60 years, children, grandchildren, friends, compassion, gentleness, kindness, wisdom, and so much more.  If you have ever been blessed to be in her presence you would immediately feel the same way.  So it is my pleasure to introduce my grandmother, Mrs. Janet Jacobson.  She wrote this message many years ago about 9 years after the death of her son John Jacobson (Johnny), for which my Jonny was named after.  At the time Janet was a secretary for a church that she served many years at until retirement.  She prepared and gave this message  for a Good Friday service.  It was also handed out countless times by the pastors of the church, to other parents dealing with the loss of a child.  Janet was able to use her grief and loss in a positive way to help others dealing with the same loss.  Here is her beautiful thoughts on looking at Calvary through the eyes of a parent.

LOOKING AT CALVARY THROUGH THE EYES OF A PARENT

JOHN 19:  25-27   “But standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene.  When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son”! Then he said to the disciple, “Behold your mother”!

Good Friday…. I am sure that to those who do not believe, it doesn’t make sense – we speak of Jesus and the crucifixion on this day, and we call it GOOD Friday.  Black Friday I suppose would make more sense.  For we are looking at the death of

Jesus…and when we think of death,

What color comes to our minds?  

Yes, black.

It is interesting that a definition of black is ‘absence of light.’ And when I think of absence of light – I also think of it as mostly black, but as having

No life,

…. No color,

…. No hope.

I am sure we have all experienced times in our lives when there seemed to be no hope, and it was black.  Let me share with you a black day in my life…

          It happened many years ago, June 25, 1975.  Time is strange. In many ways it was only yesterday.  It was a beautiful day in June – a GOOD day- a perfect day, the kind poets write about – and yet an ordinary day.  I had the day off from work and had planned a family cookout for supper.  Our oldest son John, then 16, had taken his bicycle, and was on his way to driver’s ED, his last scheduled session.  My husband came home from work and we were relaxing with a cup of coffee when the telephone rang.  There had been a street accident and would we come to St. Vincent’s.  Though they hadn’t told us, we knew, our son was dead…. And the bottom fell out of our world…death had hit us…the life, color, and hope went out of our world and it was black.

For Mary, the day of the crucifixion had to be a very black day.

          As I tell her story – the way it MAY have happened – you will recognize the many varied faces of grief – For in Mary’s story I will also be sharing some of the mixed feelings I experienced, such as shock, denial, anger, guilt, hopelessness, helplessness.  And finally - - acceptance and peace.  There is no right order for stages of grief.  They may all happen in a few moments, or days, or months, and then over and over again.

We aren’t told much about Mary, but we know she was human.  We have seen her question and wonder as the angel Gabriel announced she was to have a son.

We have seen her faith and obedience as she accepted the Word of the Lord.

We have seen her joyful as she shares with Elizabeth the Son of Praise.  We have seen her concerned for others when she tells Jesus about the wine problem at the wedding.

Yes she was human, and had feelings, and was vulnerable.  Over the years many things had happened involving Jesus, and we are told she pondered over them, she meditated, examined, sought enlightenment, but just as we seek answers and do not understand the why of many things, so Mary too, found much of it was beyond her understanding.

AND when the news came that Jesus had been arrested, all of these thoughts surfaced, and they filled her with anxiety and fear, and the words of Simeon especially, haunted her:  “And a sword shall pierce thin own soul also.”

The rumors kept coming and each seemed worse, her fears increased and then….. The terrible news ---crucifixion.

It couldn’t be.

It was the most horrible of deaths – the most cruel and terrifying…

A death for only the lowest and worst of people…criminals and slaves.  NOT for her son – her good son Jesus.  He had never done anything wrong, ..

He was good,

                   Kind,

                             Gentle,

He had studied the words of the Lord, and obeyed and loved God.

There were so many criminals about, and evil people, why couldn’t it be one of them?

She had to go to be with him, in spite of her friends warning her of the danger she would be in.  But she had to go…maybe she could do something.

As she hurried along, her thoughts went back to the baptism of Jesus…how God had called him his beloved Son,…. and he was pleased with Jesus.  Surely he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. He wouldn’t permit this terrible thing.

Maybe a miracle would occur…God had performed miracles before…he had saved them from wicked King Herod….or –Jesus, he had performed miracles.  Yes, he could perform one now and save himself.  Her hopes and fears intermingled.

She pleaded with God – maybe she could barter with him?  Just let Jesus be spared.  Let it be she instead of this beloved son – after all she had lived out her life – and he was only 33.

But…as she drew near, she heard the angry crowd…

and she knew.  She knew it was Jesus whom they were taunting and torturing. 

Then she saw him.  She couldn’t bear it – didn’t want it to be happening,

          But it was.

          And anger welled up in her.

          How could God let this happen?

          Where was he?

          Why doesn’t he do something?

          How could he just be silent?

          Why didn’t somebody do something?

She was helpless.  She couldn’t do anything, but stay near him. He must know how much she loved him.

And then guilt crept in.. maybe…if she had been more persistent in her warnings to him to stay away at this time..maybe if she had been with him more…insisted he keep quiet about his teachings…

          Maybe….but it was useless.

He really was going to die.  She didn’t want to believe it.  It was happening.  It was real, yet she hoped it was a nightmare.  But it wasn’t.  Her hopes were gone – there was no miracle – she was losing her son.

          The light had gone out of her world and it was dark.

She didn’t notice that it actually WAS getting darker.  She only knew her son was dying and the deep tearing agonizing pain she felt.  Sometimes in a haze she felt as though it was her own flesh being torn apart…the words of Simeon come true.

And then…she became conscious of a voice…someone was speaking… it was Jesus.  She strained to hear every word from this beloved son.  He was speaking to her

                   “Woman behold your son,”

and then he was speaking to John:

          “Behold your mother”.

He wanted her to be a mother to John, and John to be a son to her.  She was to have someone to care for her, and she to care for someone.  He was telling her in this way that he loved her and was concerned for her.  He was telling her to go on living.

Something strange began stirring within her.  She was feeling a peace which she didn’t understand…. a comfort in the midst of this dark black world.

She had no hope and yet now she felt hope.  The agony and pain were still there...she was still in darkness, but now it seemed she could bear it.  She had been given life and hope.  She could see the light again.

For you see… a miracle had been wrought in Mary.  Her son had become her Savior.  And he too is our Savior…He takes us out of the black and darkness, and gives us

         

          Light,

              Hope,

                   And Life.

It truly is GOOD FRIDAY.  Amen.

~Janet Jacobson 

 I am so thankful for her faith and willingness to share her heart.  I hope you have been blessed by her words as much as I have.  Janet has agreed to share some more of her life and experiences in the future.  I am so looking forward to hearing more from her.  Thank you Grandma, with all my love!